Category Archives: Faith, doubt and church

Not about spectacles.

Gee, my last couple of posts on here have been dull have they not? New glasses! Whoop-de-do.

On to bigger things, I feel. And right way way back into where this blog started. God stuff. Rarely gets a mention these days, mainly because it rarely gets much of a thought. But lately it’s been there again. Wondering what I believe, and why.

I bumped into a friend just a couple of days ago, a guy from church who I once met with regularly to pray with and discuss life and spirituality. We’ve not met like that for ages, and a random encounter (thanks, Tesco) led to a coffee. Now, we didn’t chat God stuff at all, or at least not in relation to me, but that encounter somehow got me thinking. What if he had asked? ‘How are things with your faith these days, Trevor?’ What would I have said? How about the real basics? ‘Do you believe in God?’ 

Well, he didn’t ask that. And later I found myself imagining he had. And I’d struggle to say yes. But the thing is, I’d struggle to say no, too. The best I could come up with was in my imagined conversation was, “I’m not sure I understand the question any more.”

Just a couple of months ago I remember saying to someone that I felt “closer to God” than I have for a number of years, but that I simultaneously had no idea what that meant. Well, I’m still there for sure. Except I now have no idea what God means. Very recently I came across an article by David Hayward, a former church pastor whose blog, Naked Pastor, I have followed for quite a while now. (He was still an active pastor when I started reading.)

In “How God let me go,” he describes his changing understanding of God over the years, from the jealous God of one literal scriptural interpretation, though a more open, understanding God, a gracious God, a releasing God, and finally to a God who is not God at all. And it really resonated with me. I’ve not followed the same path, but I felt very at home with his description of where he’s at now

(© David Hayward 2015)

Here’s a short extract:

When I awoke from this dream I suddenly knew that the All really is All. “God” was gone. There was only Reality. Reality rules because that’s all there is. I saw that we are all one, connected at a deep level, unified and not separate. Separation and division is only an illusion that impresses our eyes and minds. I suddenly realized that the only thing that seems to separate us is language. Thoughts. Words. Ideas. Beliefs. That’s all. We all feel the rain as it falls on us, but we all have different experiences of this rain, thoughts about it, words for it. Same with reality, the universe, the mystery, or God. It’s just words. Believer or atheist or anyone else. We are the same. God as Not-God or as All. It is the same. I saw this as clearly as anything I’ve ever seen, although it is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to articulate. But this has given me a peace that passes understanding. And it has lasted for years now.
(© David Hayward 2015)

It’s well worth a read to see the steps he describes going through before reaching this point (if nothing else, to read the dream he had that triggered this final realisation. And, if you’re someone who’s ever wondered what’s happening with my faith, I think that David’s article may come closest to explaining where I am. I’m somewhere similar. The full article is here: How God Let Me Go.

One of my brothers would probably dismiss this as simply being half a step away from atheism. Atheist, but not daring to name it because of all my church background. We’ve had a similar discussion once before. He may be right. In fact, if you look at the “religious views” section on my Facebook profile, you’ll see it’s said this for years:

Religious Views Edit Some days Christian. Some days Atheist. Most days somewhere in between.

So, yes. I embrace the title atheist. Sometimes. A Christian Atheist. Not sure that’s possible, but it’ll do for now.

Funny thing is, having just been thinking about this over the last week or so, I was at a school PTA function on Friday, helping out behind the bar (yes, we have a bar at school functions) and another school dad asked me, pretty much out of nowhere, “are you religious”. (Well, it is a C of E school.)

I had to think about that. Couldn’t really give straight answer, so told him my whole story.

Poor chap.

Post-Greenbelt spiritual stuff (whatever that means)

Greenbelt seems to be one of the rare times I feel connected to what I might call my spiritual side. Yes, I’m regularly at church, and have never let go of that whole part of my life, but have described Greenbelt as my Spiritual Home in the past (and them immediately wondered what on earth “Spiritual Home” might mean).

This year I’m taking steps to prolong that Greenbelt vibe somehow. How? By joining a house group. Now, I know some of you reading this will have no idea what a house group is, so in case that’s you, it’s basically a small group who meet up to be church together some time other than sunday. Many churches have such groups in place, and years ago I was always part of one, but it’s been a long, long time since that was the case.

It just happens that one of our house groups is run by a couple who also come to Greenbelt, and this year they mentioned it to me and invited me along… and I’ve jumped in with both feet. Some small groups like these follow bible studies, using notes or following on from whatever was being talked about in church the previous Sunday, but this group pretty much does its own thing, and they’d ordered a bunch of books by Greenbelt speakers with a view to choosing one to read and discuss together. Kind of like a book club.


And the book we’ve decided to start with is Brian McLaren’s Naked Spirituality. I’ve never actually caught Brian McLaren speaking, but the little I’ve heard about him suggests I’d like his approach, so I’m looking forward to reading it, and even more to discussing it with like-minded people. Who seem to be, incidentally, lovely.

As we didn’t really have anything to read/study/discuss at that first get-together, we watched this short video from Rob Bell. It’s a bit cheesy, but I liked the central drive about joining in with God’s music. (Disclaimer: I have no idea what ‘God’ means either.)

Greenbelt 2014. New home, same amazing festival.

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Since returning to Greenbelt Festival three years ago after a long break, I’ve never felt I have the words to do it justice. I’m just back from this year’s festival (well, I was when I started writing this), and still can’t put into words what it is that makes it such an incredibly special event. Is event the right word even? An incredibly special place? Community? Yes, that’s a bit more like it.

The new site, at Boughton House near Kettering, was beautiful. I loved being back on a greenfield site which make it feel more like a festival and less like a conference, and the grounds at Boughton were simply spectacular. The layout was much better for stumbling across things at random than the buildings at Cheltenham, I felt. Yes, there are some things that need adjusting to make some of the venues – and the site itself – more accessible but Greenbelt will be getting lots of feedback from people affected and I’m sure they’ll do everything they can to address these for next year.

There are so many things on the programme there’s simply no way to get to all the events you’d like to. I had several clashes when I read through the diary where I could easily have gone to three things at the same time. If there were three of me. Which there aren’t.

This little lot is what I managed to get up to: (if you’re not planning to read the whole thing this is probably a good place to bail out.)

Arrival day. Meeting up with friends, claiming our camping spot. Getting excited. Once site opened, first stop Make and Create, the craft tent where my son was itching to return having enjoyed it so much over the last two years. I popped out for the opening ceremony, which fell a bit flat because the band who were supposed to be taking part had been delayed, then we went to a fantastic kids’ comedy show Little Howard’s Big Show, a very clever, funny, and childishly crude stand-up comedy show where one half of the double act was an animated character on screen. We then caught some of an outdoor performance by Square Peg Circus before seeing some of Lau‘s set on Mainstage. Returning to Mainstage after bedtime (my son’s that is, not mine!), I really enjoyed what I saw of Stornoway, then went on to see Howard Read‘s second stand-up set of the day, the adult version of the show we’d seen together in the morning. Well worth it. Even if it did mean I missed Ben Castle’s Tombola Theory, who I saw sound checking in the Big Top and who sounded superb.

Lau on the Glade StageLau on Mainstage. Photo © Trevor Coultart 2014

Back to the playhouse venue for another children’s show, Misunderstood Monsters by Half Moon Theatre. Not particularly impressed following the quality of children’s theatre over the last two years, but my son seems to have enjoyed it. A talk next, “Does Church make you Happy?“, which was interesting but really turned out to be an advert for Livability’s “Happiness Course“. We didn’t get into the next show we queued for, but caught a bit of Harry Bird and the Rubber Wellies at the marvellous Canopy Stage. One of my highlights next – Hope and Social on Mainstage. I’d caught a moment of Hope and Social in 2012 and really enjoyed them, so made sure I saw the whole set this time. Damn fine band. Check them out. I then went to the discussion “Can we re-imagine marriage” hosted by Vicky Beeching. A panel of interesting and educated people talking about equal marriage in the context of “what is marriage in the first place”. Lots of interesting food for thought. Vicky Beeching herself had, of course, come out as gay just a couple of weeks before Greenbelt. To be welcomed on to the platform by a standing ovation before she’d even said a word was a tremendously affirming moment, and I feel privileged to have been part of it.

Glade Stage conga during Hope and Social's set.Spontaneous(ish) Conga during Hope and Social’s Mainstage set. Photo © Trevor Coultart 2014

Some general mooching around during the afternoon concluded with a Ceilidh (led by Flaming Nora) in the big top before bedtime. After bedtime I wandered back to Mainstage and caught the very last song from The Travelling Band (who were fab, and I wish I’d seen more) before heading to the OuterSpace Eucharist Service. What is this, I hear you ask? A communion service themed around interplanetary travel? No, not that. OuterSpace are a group whose byline is “Affirming Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Trans Christians, and each year at Greenbelt they hold a Eucharist service which is open to all. I’d read about the service in the programme the previous two years and seen some folk mention how welcoming and inclusive it was, so wanted to experience it for myself. Now, there’s no doubt that this was a deliberate attempt on my part to step somewhat outside my comfort zone; without saying too much, there’s no way I could have supported such a thing, say, ten years ago. I can now. As far as I can make out, this annual service seems to be OuterSpace’s major event of the year, and it was clear that many people were regulars. The service itself was pretty standard, following a broadly anglican pattern, and using well-known traditional hymns. Sharing the peace was particularly enthusiastic, and I joined in whole-heartedly. And so to bed myself, after a busy and fabulous day.

Sunday always starts with the big communion service led from Mainstage. Whilst there is a part of me that would be quite happy to skip this, there’s another part of me that keeps me going. Something about the entire MainStage arena packed with people of all manner of traditions sharing the one thing we broadly have in common.  The music was great this year, led by Mark and Levi Hummon, but much of the content passed me by as I was distracted elsewhere. I do recall that the main speaker (Mpho Tutu, daughter of Archbishop Desmond Tutu) just seemed to read from her book rather than give an actual ‘address’ to the crowd. Ho hum. It’s still always special, sharing communion with friends and strangers in a vast setting.

Next up was a craft and music highlight: The Utterly Butterly Ukelele Project workshop. The three of us each made a working, tuneable ukelele from an margarine tub, some wood, and fishing wire. Clever stuff and I know my wife will want to look into booking them to do something at her school. To the Playhouse in the afternoon for what I thought a remarkable show; a one-man performance from Unfolding Theatre‘s Alex Elliot called “Best in the World“. Tricky to describe, it was about being, well, the best. At whatever. A quick climb up a climbing wall, and it was time for bed. Change of routine tonight as my wife wanted to see stand-up comedian Jo Enright so I did the whole bedtime/story/settle thing back at the tent on my own, listening to the first half of Sinead O’Connor‘s headline set from Mainstage. I made it back down to the arena for the rest of her set, and I was glad I did, for it was magnificent.  She’s an interesting and odd performer, with provocative and thoughtful songs and a cracking band behind her. For my late night event I went along to another communion service. (Yeah, I know, get me, eh? Three communions in about a 25 hour period, meaning I was almost certainly The Most Holy I’ve Ever Been.)  Thing is, I hadn’t actually read the programme properly and didn’t realise I was going to a service – just saw that Dave Tomlinson (author of How to be a Bad Christian that I’d enjoyed so much from a couple of years ago) was involved and assumed it was a talk. It tuned out to be a service focused on remembering people we’ve lost, and was very thought provoking for me, in ways I’m not sure I want to mention on here unless I make it the subject of a whole blog post all of its own. So there.

Sky, evening one.The sun sets on Greenbelt at Boughton House. Photograph © Trevor Coultart 2014

It rained. Never particularly heavily, but pretty well consistently. Started in the wee small hours, and barely stopped. It’s never as nice when it’s wet; no sitting around on the grass, no casually wandering around. But it was still a good day. In to the Playhouse again for another production by Half Moon Theatre, this one “When Spring Comes” a solo dance accompanied by a fabulous instrumentalist. The dance stuff’s not my cup of tea. Next main event was the return of Folk On, who we’ve seen each of the last three years we’ve been, and who my son loves. The weather had meant a few things got moved around, and Folk On were moved from the Big Top to Mainstage, which was a good job really as the number of people that came to see them was surely more than would have got in. We happened to come across the band later in the day just as they were finishing a signing session so got them to sign a poster for my son’s bedroom which is now framed on his wall. We hung on around the Mainstage arena for the next act, Hobbit, who I gather is a fairly big name in the world of beatboxing. Extraordinary stuff, thought I’m not sure a solo beatboxer really makes a whole show. accompanying a band, I can understand. When I went back out later, I caught the last couple of numbers by Tinawaren, a saharan blues band. Great sound, but the unfamiliar interplay of the music and voices didn’t work for me. Might have done had it been sunnier.

And then a slightly different time for me, as, after much trying, I’d finally made arrangements to spend some time with one of the Greenbelt photography team, acting as his assistant as he went round the site getting some night shots of lights in the rain. I was mainly holding an umbrella over his equipment, but also helping scope out some locations and moving things around to get better scenes. It was an interesting insight into one aspect of event photography. After that I snuck into the Playhouse for one last event – Jonny and the Baptists‘ show fresh, I believe, from the Edinburgh festival this year. And what a way to conclude the festival. They were fabulous –  a great bunch of satirical songs about life, equality, politics and other subjects strung together with humour and aplomb. Catch them if you get the chance. (Though perhaps not if you’r at all right wing in your politics as you may get offended!)

And there you have it. My Greenbelt.

Bit more on my previous post…

Okay, so it’s reached my attention that at least one person has suggested that the couple referred to in my previous post are simply seeking to make use of the church to publicise their business. I am assured, by someone in the know, and in whom I have complete trust, that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, both the church and the couple have specifically told the local newspaper that they don’t want any publicity or follow-up to last week’s article. 

That is all. 

UPDATE 21 Aug 2014: Here’s the letter from that has appeared in this morning’s edition of the Comet. 

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Why I was smiling so much in Church this morning.

Half way through church this morning, I tweeted this:

and a few people have been wondering why.

In the middle of last week, I’d read an article on our local newspaper’s website. There’s a couple locally who had been planning an engagement celebration at their church. They’re both Elvis fanatics (more than that, they’re both Elvis impersonators) and were planning to feature some Elvis music as part of the celebration. Okay so far? Well, here’s the thing: according to the article, their church, where they’d been going for over a year, had suddenly told them that they couldn’t go through with their plans, and that (to quote the article) ‘the event has been cancelled as Elvis’s music “isn’t in keeping with the message of God”. 

This is, of course, only a very brief summary of the article, but after reading it my immediate reaction was that I should show it to our minister saying “Have you seen this? Do you think we should offer to host something for them?”. Typically, however, I never got round to doing such a thing, and promptly forgot all about it.

But then this morning, what should our minister hold up but a copy of the local newspaper, which had run the story on its front page. You know what he’d done? He’d contacted the journalist, and asked him to forward an email to the couple – offering to do just that. Within an hour, they’d got in touch, met with him, and next Sunday they’ll be having a short time of our morning worship to celebrate their engagement. He then mentioned that they were there at the back of church this morning, and they got a great welcome.

And that’s why I had such a big smile on my face for the rest of the service. It just felt like we’d done the right thing. (Oh, and case it sounds like it’s just our minister I should be proud of, I gather he emailed all the elders to get there support before making the offer, and it seemed to me that the whole church this morning were very happy with what he’d done.)

Now, as an aside, I’m not in any way making any comment about what happened between the happy couple and the other church. The article, reading it again today, does seem pretty one-sided and sheds the church in a very bad light. In fact, I know one of the Elders there (having worked with him for many years) and have been to the church once to celebrate the dedication of the some friend’s children. I’m pretty certain that somewhere behind this article there must be a misunderstanding or misrepresentation; it is, after all, journalism and can’t possibly be expected to tell the whole story.

But regardless of what went before, what’s happened since is fab.

Interstingly, the local paper seem to have removed the article from their website, but here’s a link to Google’s cached version for anyone who really wants to read the whole thing:

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UPDATE: it’s reached my attention that at least one person has suggested that the couple referred to in this post are simply seeking to make use of the church to publicise their business. I am assured, by someone in the know, and in whom I have complete trust, that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, both the church and the couple have specifically told the local newspaper that they don’t want any publicity or follow-up to last week’s article. 

Greenbelt 2013: Home Again

Big Top Sunset

What can I possibly say about Greenbelt that does it justice? That even begins to explain just how great I feel after four days of such… such beauty?

Words just aren’t enough.

Returning last year after a sixteen year gap was like a return home (I wrote about it here) and this year was a continuation of that. This year’s festival was every bit as good as 2012, and I’ve come to the conclusion that while I do have a ‘church home’ here in Stevenage (here, in case you’re wondering – though be aware that the website is horribly out of date), my ‘spiritual home’ really does seem to be Greenbelt Festival.

The (very) few of you who’ve followed this blog from its earliest days will know that it used to be about my spiritual life – or rather my lack of it. Well Greenbelt is the place where I feel revitalised, energised, alive in a way that I don’t get elsewhere. If only I could somehow define what is about the festival that does that. Many others far more eloquent than me have written reviews this year – I’ll post some links at the bottom – but from me I’m afraid you just get vague ramblings.

Once again being there with a six year old means a very different experience than the Greenbelts of my younger years (1988-1996), as lot of our time is devoted to the ‘family’ part of the programme. Hours on end spent in the ever busy “Make and Take” tent being creative with craft, daily shows from Childrens’ theatre companies and the like.

The ever-busy "Make and Take" tent.The ever-busy “Make and Take” tent

Blunderbus Theatre Company, "How to catch a star"Blunderbus Theatre Company production of “How to Catch a Star”

It’s a great programme and my son loves it. Oh, we did go to one awful session called “Cupcake Worship”, aimed at children 3-6 year-olds, which consisted of going round a series of tables, making and decorating cup cakes, accompanied by dreadful music and somehow connected to a theme about children living in need. I didn’t really follow the connection, so I don’t imagine any of the children did. (Though my son does tell me he ‘enjoyed’ it, so it’s not all bad.)

Bums on SeatsMartyn Joseph without a guitar in his hands for once.

We got along to only two actual talks this year, Martyn Joseph’s “Why I write: a theology of the guitar as cheap therapist” which was great, and John Bell’s “P is for Power” which was all interesting stuff but nothing that’s going to change my life. (His other talk, “Reading the Bible is bad for your faith” looked more interesting but it clashed with something else.) I queued unsuccessfully for Vicky Beeching’s “Being real in a Virtual World”, so have downloaded that one and am partway through listening. It’s good so far. There are quite a few others I would download, including Mohamed Ansar’s “What have the Muslims ever done for us” and Mark Oakley’s “Same sex marriage and the people of god“, but £3.50 a time is enough of a barrier to mean I’ll give them a miss. The range of speakers and subjects is simply mind-boggling. Whilst Greenbelt is still very much a Christian Festival (as witnessed by the extensive worship programme), it’s not a closed shop. Thought provoking sessions from Muslims, Jews, Atheists, and others are as much a part of the programme as any other. That’s always been the way with Greenbelt. It’s got them into some hot water at times (there was a witch on the panel of a debate one time in the 1990s, which many saw as a step too far) but it’s that open, inclusive nature of the festival that makes it unique. What’s the broadest, most wide-ranging definition of “Christian” you can think of? Go a bit wider, and you’ve got Greenbelt.

Folk OnFolk On getting the festival started

Musically, after first hearing comedy folksters Folk On last year I was really looking forward to them opening the festival on mainstage and they didn’t disappoint. Just great fun. This year I’ve actually gone as far as downloading the album from iTunes (though you can listen to it on Spotify here if you prefer). The Boxettes were an incredible female acappella group featuring the current world champion female beatboxer. Not the sort of thing I’d normally choose to listen to, but astonishing to hear what sounded like a full band then discovering it was all coming from five voices. I caught a fun band called the Brooms of Destruction on the Roots stage. (The equivalent of the old Fringe ‘Bandstand’ for any old Greenbelters out there). From Mainstage I also caught a bit of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, some Courtney Pine (neither my cup of tea) and the first number from Monday’s headline act Duke Special. I’d never heard of him before but liked what I heard and that’s who I’m listening to on Spotify as I type. (And I’m still liking it. In fact, I’d recommend a listen.)

There can be no denying, though, that the musical highlight for me was the return to Greenbelt of Fat and Frantic.

Fat and FranticFat and Frantic back where they belong

I first saw Fat and Frantic at my very first Greenbelt back in 1988, and quickly became a fan, seeing them whenever I got the chance. They were Greenbelt regulars from 1985-1992, so I saw them every year there, but also went out of my way to catch them whenever they played the Town and Country Club or the Marquee in London. I also went all the way over to Bath for the live recording of an album in the Moles Club. By a long way the band I’ve seen live more than any other, so I was sad when they called a day with their farewell gig in the Greenbelt big top on 1992. I’d heard that they’d done one or two ‘reunion’ gigs since then, and a short tour in 2011, but hadn’t managed to catch any of them. Their return to Greenbelt Mainstage was victorious, back on form with their own branch of musical lunacy and plenty of quips about getting older. There were an awful lot of us forty-somethings in the crowd who clearly knew all the words. And as if the lunchtime mainstage set wasn’t enough, they also did a tea-time set in a smaller marquee which was quite possibly even more fun. Such great memories. Thanks, guys, for coming back to help celebrate the 40th Greenbelt.

Gathering for communion.Gathering for communion

I got along to a bit more directly ‘spiritual’ content this year. Last year it was pretty much only the big mainstage communion service, but this year as well as that (which, incidentally, I felt much more engaged with than last year), I went to a contemplative thing called “presence” which was led by a mellow trance DJ, and spent an hour sitting quietly in the “chapel” – a quiet space with no agenda. (And, no, I wasn’t just there to charge my phone!)

Oh, and there’s one other ‘spiritual’ thing I did while I was there: If you read my thoughts last year, you’ll have seen I promised I’d read Dave Tomlinson’s book, “How to be a Bad Christian“. I finally bought it about three weeks ago, and I finished it at Greenbelt, It is utterly brilliant, and I would recommend it to anyone. Ties in very well with the ethos of Greenbelt. Read it.

You know what? I’ve just read back what I’ve written, and none of this really does anything to explain the atmosphere of the whole festival and why it makes me feel the way it does. As I said at the beginning, others have written so much more eloquently about what it is that sets Greenbelt apart and makes it like no other festival, so I’ll recommend a few other write-ups for those of you who are interested.

Someone else has described Greenbelt as simply “The most welcoming place on earth”. Seems about right to me.

A few other reviews:

This one from Jonty Langley on Huffington Post is actually from 2011, but it probably best sums up how Greenbelt is a festival like no other:
Greenbelt: Britain’s Greatest Festival

And here’s his equally eloquent review of this year’s festival is on the Baptist Times website.
Greenbelt: where everything and nothing changes

This is from Mike Peatman, who includes a pretty good summary of what Greenbelt is all about:
Greenbelt 2013

This from my friend Andy Goodliff:
Best Things About Greenbelt 2013 (and a few disappointments)

This from relatively new greenbelter Madhat:
Greenbelt 2013 – Life begins …

And possibly the most thorough and all-encompassing review (no, I haven’t read it all!) from the Church Times:
Greenbelt 2013: life begins


Here’s a couple more great reviews I’ve found since I published this. 

This guy loves Greenbelt so much he comes all the way from New Zealand:
Where faith arts and justice meet: Greenbelt, my review.
Particular like his summary description of Greenbelt as “… the best, most diverse, engaging, ecumenical, Christian gathering event I have ever been to.”

This chap was part of a large group from the United Church of Canada who came over to Greenbelt on what they called a pilgrimage:
Greenbelt: Pilgrimage Happened

This one:
Thoughts about Greenbelt on its 40th birthday

Greenbelt 2012: round-up of reviews

Seeing as you all enjoyed my own review of Greenbelt so much, I thought I would, thanks to the magic of the internet, mention a few other write-ups I’ve come across.

Here’s George’s view. No, I don’t know who George is either.

Here’s an Atheist who understands what Greenbelt’s all about:

And here’s a Christian who appears not to:

I don’t understand the diagram in the middle of this one, but the final two paragraphs are a great summary of the festival.

A great write up from a festival first-timer:

Here’s a whole set of articles published in the Church Times.

And a surprise appearance in, extolling Greenbelt’s use of technology.

That’s probably enough to be going on with for now. Report back when you’ve read these and I may have found some more.

As you were.

Oh, alright, if you insist: here’s another one…

There were several communion services taking place over the weekend, among them the Cream Tea Communion, the Nursery Rhyme Mass, the U2charist (geddit?), the Transfiguration Communion and Club Night and probably others I’ve missed as I’ve looked through the programme just now. The only one I attended was the big Mainstage service on Sunday Morning. But here’s a great write-up of one that sounds like it was something special: The OuterSpace Eucharist.

That’ll do for now.