Sometimes I think about what I have professed to believe and I do wonder whether it is simply a load of superstitious nonsense. I hear things, read them, speak about them, and think that just can’t be true.
Prayer is such a complete and utter mystery to me that I wonder why I bother. Come to think of it, I don’t bother, apart from on Thursday mornings with my prayer triplet (the other members of which know how I feel) and very very occasionally in the vestry before a Sunday service.
Here’s a little thing that’s been buzzing round in my mind. At the same meeting at work that I mentioned in a recent post, someone told the story of a relation’s near miss in a car accident. Two cars immediately ahead collided, and my friends relation managed to swerve clear to safety before the car behind him crashed straight into the pile-up. This was, apparently, “absolutely God’s protection”. I said nothing, of course, but inside I was thinking: “What?! How can that be? You mean God saw the accident about to happen, and was able to act, but decided to rescue just this one car and let the others get on with it? Did God only have enough love for one car? Or enough power? On what grounds could a loving God possibly choose who to rescue? And where was his love for the others?” And so on.
And here, I think, is a key issue for me. Since I stopped believing in a God who intervenes in the day to day occurrences of life the way my friend at work clearly believes God does (and I’ve mentioned before that it’s my minister who gets the credit for starting me on this path), I’m left with a gap. What sort of a God, if any, do I believe in?