“Who Am I?” is a question that troubles my tiny mind from time to time. I was recently trying to explain what I mean to a friend, telling him that there seem to be several versions of “me” depending on what I’m thinking about. There’s the me I’d like to be; the me I think I might be; the me others perceive; the me I’d like others to percieve; the me I think others might actaully perceive… and so on.
Context makes a big difference, too: there’s me at home, me at work, me at church, me in court, me online, me when I’m on my own – all quite different people in some respects. I’m sure there must be many other ‘me’s that don’t come to mind right now.
The question, then, that I find myself pondering is this: where, in all this, is the “Real Me”? Is there such a thing? Are they all the Real Me? I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I often feel I don’t ‘fit in’. Is that because I’m being the wrong me? Or because I’ve lost track of who I really am – if I ever knew.
I do recall this subject coming up around the dinner table with friends once, and I thought it was interesting that Rachael seemed not to have any of these questions. Rachael is Rachael and remains so regardless of context. At the time we concluded that this might be a male/female difference, but I’ve since spoken to a couple of people who would disagree. Yes, some girls have thoughts like these, too.
The friend I was corresponding with recently came out with this:
It seems that at some time the brain (human) suddenly expanded and the two lobes had problems connecting all the different functions. One seems to act like a telescope whilst the other is a microscope. Great from a species point of view, (especially a tribal one), where the different views can give us finally a good answer, however, for some poor individuals the effect is confusion and a destabalising inability to focus.
Hence who am I and to whom?
The internal communication can sometimes be like a aural conversation… some people hear voices….
[Some people] soak up info excellently and don’t suffer the destabalising influence of the two halves trying to make a decision with a multiplicity of views.
I think you have a fiesta in your head as to conversations but just enjoy the party spirit, whilst I (at times) slump in the corner and try to focus on one poor guest instead of enjoying the general atmosphere.
(Edited slightly to remove personal stuff)
I like that. There’s a party in my head and everyone’s invited!